Expectant by Thida

I have already given my heart away. It has gone to a dog. I don't know this dog's name or face, but I already love. I am expectant. Sort of like when I was pregnant, I already loved both kids.

I have some vague idea of what it might be like to have a dog, to love a dog, but not really. I know what it's like to have someone glued to one's side -- a baby that needs me, not a dog that will help me as well and will also need me in similar ways and differently. And my cats who in my salad days were always there for a good cuddle.

I love my children alternately fiercely as only a mother can, and gently because now I can say with great relief that both of them will grow up to be independent. And sometimes the fierceness makes my daughter groan, but what can a mother do?

I am not sure how to love a partner you spend so much time with, and yet it's so concentrated. At best, we'll be together a score years and that's the very longest I can hope for.

Regardless I know it will be different than how I love my children or my husband or my siblings or my parents. Not better or worse. The heart loves all or none.

My grandparents used to sign their letters "all my love." And I knew it was all their love for me. All my love has gone to a dog. That's all I know.

Team Training Binder arrives by Thida

I received the huge CCI binder a few days ago. I read in one gulp then more slowly again. I'll prolly read it a third time before I go to Team Training

It goes in fairly complex detail about canine behavior and being a pack leader.

It's interspersed with occasional photo funnies. The innumerable forms we have to fill out is prefaced by a black and white photo of an exhausted dog - mouth open and tongue hanging. The introducing your dog to your cats has an adorable photo of a dog snuggling a cat.

After reading it, I don't have many questions. But then I'm also someone who doesn't think physical action can be described well by pictures or words and the manual doesn't go much into the physical details of training a dog.

And I've entered a new level of worry. I was worried first that CCI would tell me I wasn't disabled enough. A secondary worry was I wonder if I'm up to it all -if I can manage dog, family's needs and my needs. Now it's clear that really I need this type of dog. Acceptance, but oh man I feel sorry for CCI trying to teach me physical skills in 2 weeks. I am no dummy, but I feel my physical learning is about ten times slower than my intellectual learning, because of my disability. Well, I told them at my personal interview and they did teach me how to do a correction after several attempts.

The letter all members of this Team Training got says to do everything you can to protect your health, and build up your strength and endurance. I take that seriously.

[It turns out my worries and concerns are typical for a person applying to CCI for their first assistance dog and CCI is very good at dealing with them. I share them here to let folks know they're not alone and it will all work out in the end.]